for one of my WST courses I have to write a paper on a topic of my choice and relate it back to at least one reading that we have done in class. I picked asexuality as my topic (of course :P) and am relating it to a piece by Julia Baumgard called "What is Bisexuality" from Look Both Ways. I thought this would be a fun paper to write. Over all it is. I am finding a lot of interesting things. However It is also a hard paper to write since there are no books out on asexuality and very limiting acidemic articles. Furthermore, some of the info I am finding is a bit hard to swallow. Several articles I have read talk about how asexuality is just another name for HSDD and/or SAD. One article stated taht asexuality is just there so people can feel better about the mental disorder they have. Another article talked about how asexuality was made up so people who had HSDD or SAD could ignore their mental issue and stay in denial. Umm thanks? Are you in my head? No, don't think so. So how do you know that this is 'wrong'? I don't believe that I am in denial. I also do not think it is a nice way to put something that is bad. Being Gay/Lesbian use to be included in the DSM, just like asexuality is today.

Fun paper is just a bit frusterating at the moment.

Story Time

snow is a bitter-sweet thing. It means the pressure/weather is going to be pretty much the same until about April/March now. Which is perfect for my migraine head!! I love it. However at the same time it means that the world is about to get very bright. Here is Ptown it is nearly always sunny out. So the sunny reflects off the snow and makes it seem twice as bright.... this is very bad for my little migraine head. I feel pretty damn cool walking in the snow all bunbled up and then wearing sunglasses :\ oh well that is life. suck it up as Cupcake would say....

I got drunk a few weeks ago. I had never been drunk before and wanted to know what it felt like. The reason I haven't been drunk before is that I don't really trust anyone. People have agendas and some times others get in the way of those agendas. So anyway. I decided that Bobmi, Cupcake, and I would all get drunk :P Bobmi was up for it, she just turned 21 this year. Cupcake said sure but mostly because Bobmi and I wanted to do it. He use to be this big partier guy and is done "with that scene". He is an old fart ;) at 24. But I love him all the same. Really it is a good thing. I am not into partying or drinking. However this night, I wanted to know what it felt like. So we bought some vodka, and fruit punch juice. I think I got 3 fruit punch drinks (so 6 shots) down and was fine, but couldn't really move well. At one point I was trying to whisper something to Cupcake and it defidently wasnt a whisper. Also I kept saying everything and anything that came into my head. At least I made the group laugh..? So Then Bobmi's friend came and joined us, he had brought some beer. Still not feeling all that drunk and having no brain at the time.... I tried to down a beer faster then Bobmi's friend. Of course I couldn't. I got two beers down, then ran to the bathroom where they came back up... along with some dinner from hours earlier and some fruit punch drink. Cupcake came into the bathroom to make sure I was ok... I was laying on the cold tile more or less crying, muttering how I was never drinking anything ever again. Cupcake sat down and rubbed my back. I just whimpered at him. He than told me that I needed to suck it up....

I am on the floor thinking I am never going to feel good again, still drunk, and my BF tells me to suck it up. I just stared at him. Idk what to say. I ended up muttering that he should get lost (don't think he heard that). Then stopped whimpering and tried to get up.

I think after that I went to bed... but I dont remeber lol.

So that is the story of the day! :P

I am never drinking again..... I say this to my friends and they say that I can drink again, just dont drink as much... I still say... NEVER again, any amount, never ever! The idea just makes me feel sick.

Randomness

migraines havent been too bad. Scuba isnt helping though. It tends to trigger a migraine - especially if we do buddy breathing or something else that involves anything but "normal" breathing... so holding my breath, not so cool. I am really done with this class. I enjoyed scuba diving in Hawaii a few years ago well enough. So thought I would love this class. Nope. Sitting on the bottom of a pool practicing skiils is hell. Normally I would say that it is worth it... well it isnt. Maybe if I lived near the Great Barrier Ref it would be.... but I am near a cold, cloudly, not much to see sound. Not worth it. I hate the class. I have two labs left. Today's lab is going to be the second half of the in water exam. The first part I passed fine. This part though idk about. I hate buddy breathing. The always manage to inhale water. And the first time I had to do it my buddy tried to drown me. So I really am not so into it. Also today we probably have to do a boat bail out... this skill is incase pirates try to take your ship... you have to grab all your gear and jump in, then without coming up turn on your tank and put everything on (BC, tank, fins, mask, booties). I do not like doing this either. Lucky for me... it is a pass/fail/A class! So all I have to do is show up and try. Good.

I told my parents about being Ace. Well really I told my mom and she told my dad. She handled it ok. She asked a lot of questions. She still is confused about the "rules" or being Ace... yeah I know, there are no "rules", but in trying to understand she is trying to figure out what makes some one Ace and therefore wants guildlines/rules. It is interesting. She didn't like that I have a cruch on Bobmi while dating Cupcake. She thought that was imposible. I tried to give some examples and included a few in her life... but I think she has decided to just not think about that piece. The one question she kept asking over and over again was "Why are you telling me this?". Saying how it doesn't really having anything to do with her, so why am I bothering.

"Why are you telling me this?"
Because I want you to know who I am
Because I want to be able to be myself and stop hiding
Because I need some validation
Because I want you to accept me, as my whole self
As a friend put it "Just as our skin color, gender, ethnic background, political view, etc are all parts, they make a whole. By sharing where we are
sexually, emotionally, prevents people from creating an image of us that is not true to who we really are."

Well she just shrugged. I think she just needs time to think about it all.
I was suprised at how she reacted. I thought she would have been... meaner? So over all I am happy with how it went :) My dad thinks it is somewhat humorous. He reacted really well. Just smiled and hugged me and said that he loved me. He doesn't care.

Classes are going well. I have 3 more papers to write and 3 more exams. Then I am done! Normally I would be happy when a prof cancles a final or gives an exam this week instead of finals week... however when all 5 do that it really sucks. I have one exam today (the scuba one). Then I have two exams Friday. The one should be pretty easy. The other though has a lot on it and it is mostly short answer. Good news though is taht it is in a class that I have a 96% in so I will still get a great grade over all for the course.

Next semester is going to have a lot of papers... that is my life though right now... paper after paper after paper. Ugh. Only one more semester though!!! Then I will have my BA in Women's Studies, Minor in Criminal Justice, and Minor in Queer Studies. YAY!!! So excited.

However I need a job. Good luck to me.
I will be living in Ptown for another year or so... Cupcake doesn't graduate until Dec 2010. After that we have talked about moving to Colorado. I like it there. Also from what is open right now, there are more jobs there that I qualify for/would enjoy. It is kinda nice to stay in Ptown for another year though. Bobmi will be here too and so will all my other friends.

Ok time for scuba lab/exam. I hate Wednesdays.